Have you ever made a decision, then found yourself going back on it just a tiny bit, all the while convincing yourself that somehow a tiny bit is not quite the same as going back on it all together? Yes? Then you will understand the liberation and apprehension of finally making a very important decision and sticking to it!
Ifread my blog The Deciding Factor back in April, you will know that after spending some much-needed quality time with God I felt He had given me an answer that was as clear as crystal to a dilemma I had been toying with for a while and was all set follow His lead until, I paused to ponder.
Going Back On Your Word
It’s funny how you can pause to ponder and innocently drift at the same time. Somehow my drifting caused me to negotiate a deal with my decision and I soon found myself back where I started, confused with no real sense of direction
The thing is, it doesn’t matter how far you drift, once you drift, you drift back to all the umming and aahing that caused you to make the session in the first place. Back to the silent worrying thought that won’t leave you. Back to the kidding yourself that it’s only temporary, or whatever else you tell yourself to justify backsliding before you finally, finally, come to the realisation, that enough is enough, its time to make a decision and stick to it!
For the past 8 years, I have successfully run my cake business Jemz Cake Box. A gift that I am good at that has brought joy to everyone else and little fulfilment for me. It’s not that I dislike it, it’s just that my passion lies elsewhere.
In March of this year I made a decision to lay it aside for a while while I focused on my passion, the thing that gets me out of my bed of a morning, fired up and rearing to go, of which making cakes is not one of them!
No one gets up at 3:45 am to write and struggles to pull themselves away from the computer unless they are passionate about it!
Sharing my story, experiences and knowledge in an empowering way to help individuals navigate through life, overcome and manage emotional abuse, trauma, depression and negative behaviour patterns empowers me because it is something I’ve lived through and contine to overcome and conquer.
Helping individuals in there pursuit for intimacy with God, teaching them how to be still, meditate, listen and recognise God’s activity in their lives and have a tangible, intimate and meaningful relationship with Him is something I could do all day long, because of my own journey and pursuit for intimacy with God which I share in my first book, God’s Romantic Getaway.
I would travel to the ends of the earth and beyond to share, teach, empower and inspire others in these areas, the question was, would I do the same for cakes?
The Deciding Factor
I do a lot of things. Presently I am working work full-time (temporary), no that one really is temporary, trust me! Make the occasional cake here and there. Charity work and fundraising, host Retreats and Away Days, write books, blogs and host a private group on Facebook centred around the pursuit of Intimacy with God, and that does not include my personal life!
With my second book on the way, I was finding balancing so many plates almost impossible, actually, drop the almost, it is impossible and each time I went back to God, I received the same answer, or in some cases, no answer at all.
I felt like I was running and getting nowhere. I was doing, writing and posting, but every so often I found myself overwhelmed with what I was carrying.
A few weeks ago in the early hours of the morning, I head it plain and clear, ” you can’t do everything and master nothing.” God was speaking!
It was time to let go of the cakes, lay it aside, for how longs, who knows and focus on what was really important to me!
The Big Clear Out
In my last blog, I shared what life was like after meeting setbacks in my personal goals, I was now back on track, but was struggling to connect, something wasn’t right, something was missing.
With so much going on, my home looked more like a busy loading bay rather than a cosy 2 bedroom flat! Every day I came home and found it impossible to work, concentrate or focus. Then one day I looked around and said to myself – “Jemma, this house represents your mind.” Just for the record, my house was NOT dirty, it was just a little cluttered, and the clutter had to go!!!
You may not realise it, but often your surrounding is a representation of your present mind-space.
My surroundings forced me to make a decision about my decision and having made it, what better way to kick start than with clean up and clear out, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically!
Thankfully I have some dear friends who care about me who agreed to come down and help me. We managed to get through two of the rooms that were causing the most mental distractions and went to town tidying away, cleaning out and getting rid of all the “just in case” stuff! It went straight to the dump. From chipped crockery to papers, old clothes and shoes that had been repaired one to many times to plastic containers with no lids!!! lol, straight to the dump. It was out with the old and immediately in with the new.
If you have never done anything like this before I highly recommend it. Each time I do it, it feels great and just goes to show how easy it is to accumulate so much needless clutter in such a short space of time. My home looks bright and welcoming and my mind feels so much lighter.
I Can See Clearly Now
I love that song.
Having got rid of the mental and physical clutter, I am ready. Ready to move forward and devout my time to what really matters to me and not what matters to others. It has only been one week and already there is clarity in areas that were previously blurred.
Despite how young I look, (I got asked for ID the other day, felt well sweet!) I will be 51 on Friday and I would love to finally make my life about me and not just about others.
A New Journey
Its not really a new journey as such. it has been in the pipeline for a while and its a step in the right direction if I want to free up time to enjoy life. With the podcast launching next month and my manuscript coming back from the first proofread, I need time to focus on me, so I can help those who will benefit from what I have to share.
Blogs, Podcast, books and more… all lead to me sharing whats on the inside and if you think you know me, boy you are in for a shock! I have always said it, there is so much more to me than cakes!!!
So now I have shared my decision with you and made it public, you can hold me accountable.
The journey to overcoming 35 years of depression, building and maintaining a life free of depression has and continues to involve learning new things about myself and some of them are surprising, empowering and take time to digest. It appears I am stronger than I thought I was. To have encountered a fraction of what I have been exposed to and to still be standing is a testimony to God and my inner strength to survive, now I intend to thrive too!
I hope you will join me on this new and exciting journey and would love for you to join my online family, by subscribing to my mailing list, making use of the great benefits that await you.
Free giveaways, be the first to be notified of my podcast episodes and blogs, bonus podcast episodes, access to inserts from my new book and more. I have come a long way on my journey and that has been down to working on and changing my mindset. It is an ongoing process that I work on daily. As a thank you for subscribing I would love to share my 4 – Step Process that helps me identify the emotions attached to my thoughts so I can better manage my emotions and steer my actions and mindset in the right directions
Here is to a new and exciting year! Chapter 51