I’m going out on a limb here and really exposing myself, but I have just realised for the past number of years, I have been living in what some call organised chaos.
I’m not sure how I thrived and how I stayed sane, but having stepped away for a while from my cake business, Jemz Cake Box I realise just how much more my life needs simplifying.
My ability to work under stress stems from my 35 year battle with depression. I used work as a way of escape as well as a way to measure my worth. As a child, I used work to gain my parent’s love and affections. As an adult, I used it to gain my own love and affection. WOW, that right there is DEEP!
I was scared, scared of failure, but the more I did, the more I was failing. To the outside world, I looked successful and to a degree, I have been, but what have I really achieved? I’m not being negative, I’m being serious.
In today’s society, if you are not visible on social media, you get swept under the carpet. Once you have a business or any kind of venture, you need to be visible if you want to get your ideas, product, or services out there.
Trying to juggle so many balls was not an issue, keeping up on social media while juggling those balls meant balls were dropping all over the place and superwoman here couldn’t see it.
Life Without Jemz
I have dreams, too many dreams, and the time has come to focus on my main dream. Redefine what it looks like, write my 5-year plan, set goals, form more relationships, meet new people, and spread my wings.
I love to talk, so I’m looking forward to launching my podcast this month, followed my second book. What is good about the two is that they can work off of each other and take me in the direction that my heart desires to go.
I am also passionate about Intimacy with God, and my first book has opened up some great doors enabling me to host Away Days and 7 Day Retreats centered on Intimacy with God.
I love to help people, so my work with ABCD, Alone Behind Closed Doors, my mental health charity project is always going to be a part of me.
There are so many other things that I like, but these right here, are what I love.
Organising My Chaos
Preparing for my podcast I realise my life needs even more simplifying, When people told me I was always busy, I shrugged it off, thinking, yea, but I do get rest. Trust me I do get rest, Sundays are, my day of rest. After church, it’s chill time.
The problem was I was getting to rest but not mental rest, which meant I wasn’t really getting that much rest at all. I’m NOT superwoman and I’m not God. Even God rested!!!!
As each day unfolds, I am realising just how much more I need to simplify things and dismantle my organised chaos. taking a break from the cakes has allowed me to see how busy I have been and where I have been batting the ball, trying to catch it, dropping it, and chasing after it. I’m not sure how I did it, just writing about it makes me tired!
Stepping away from Jemz was the easy part, severing the emotional tie, was challenging, and for a while, I felt broody! I didn’t miss the work, but I did miss the creativity and had to keep reminding myself of my passion, my goals, and the direction my heart was pulling me in.
I mean, it’s not like I won’t be making a cake again, ever!!! It’s just something I need to lay low from, while I focus on what is really important to me.
Don’t Change Your Mind!
If like me you recently made a life-changing decision, STICK to it! ignore the twinges, the broodiness, and the false arguments it will present to entice you back into what you know you need to walk away from, be it permanent or temporary. Don’t do it, I tell, Don’t do it! You won’t get to where you need to get to if you keep looking back!
Sitting In Limbo
Once you’ve made your decision, you may find yourself in limbo for a short while. You may feel lost and wonder, “have I made the right decision?” If you have prayed about and know, that you know, that you know, that you know, this is what you need to be doing, hang tight, and let limbo have her moment of glory.
This is what they call the in-between period. You aren’t where you were, and not quite where you think you should be. The vision may feel slightly disjointed, but give yourself time to, take a little time out to refresh yourself, reboot and then sit down, and plan and pray, you must pray, you need to pray! Preaching to myself here as much as I’m preaching to you!
Time To Breathe
Take things slow….
I’m easing into my new projects slowly, all the while taking time to think about what I’m thinking about and pace myself. I don’t want to make the same mistakes as before, because unlike before where my gift was used to pay my mortgage, my passion goes way beyond that, she needs nurturing, guidance, support, strategic planning, and developing to ensure she has the best start. Granted I should have done this with my gift too, but I didn’t which is why I ended up shattered all the time. Poor planning! And sometimes no planning!
It is taking some getting used to and there are some days when I feel overwhelmed, but deep breaths, pacing myself, and rest help smooth the way forward. I am actually getting more rest, which is enabling me to get more done and helping me make better decisions with clarity and precision.
I’ve gone from running a marathon like I’m running a sprint race to training and pacing myself for the marathon, and knowing when its time to switch lanes to the sprint, when I need to do a tagged relay, and when I need to stop altogether and call it a day.
It’s new, its different, but I think it is working.
Airing My Voice
My podcast launches on Tuesday! and I am still working on my content and slightly behind. The perfectionist in me wants to get hard on myself, but my revised mindset keeps whispering, “just pace yourself, stick to your goals and to-do-list and you will be fine.” I’ve started listing to the new me a lot more! I highly recommend you listen to the news you too!
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I still can’t believe I’m doing this, but so glad I took the plunge because at the end of this year it means I would have completed at least two things on my vision board! – Changing my mindset and starting a podcast!
Being An Autor
Book number two!
There is a sense of real achievement seeing things coming together and finally having the time to execute the edits for my second book, A Precious Stone. I don’t have to find the time to edit it because I now have the time.
I don’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn to write and read, I can do so in the afternoons, taking my time, no rushing and plenty of time to take my time.
There comes a time in your life when you have to take that leap of faith, that jump. Ignore the warmth of your comfort zone and all those who don’t understand or see your vision, trust God, and move forward, and this is me doing just that. There is no going back!