An Emotional Week

It has been an emotional week, EMOTIONAL in capitals!! At one point I wondered if I was living or dreaming. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted it to be a dream and yet it was real and I was living it. Regret, fear, dreed, anxiety, sad. It was ok feeling all these emotions, but I couldn’t allow them to overpower me

YOU AIN’T GOING NOWHERE

This week in one conversation I found myself on an intense rollercoaster no female wants to be on and to top it off the week-long break to Scotland that I’ve been looking forward to for the past month has been cancelled due to the lockdown and I won’t get a refund on my train ticket either, because the insurance doesn’t cover COVID.

ARE THESE PEOPLE SERIOUS?

Do they realise how much I need this break? With all the things that are going on in my life right now and the fact that I was so looking forward to having SOME intimate time away alone with God, and wrapping up my book, this is not the time to be announcing a second lockdown and bringing my plans to a crashing halt. Why couldn’t I be stranded in Scotland?

Ok, I’m gutted but I do believe God has a plan.

SICK TO MY STOMACH

I learned this behaviour pattern when I was a child when I’m nervous, scared, or anxious my stomach knots and I can’t eat or focus. A serious feeling of dreed overtakes my body and I become a walking zombie

It started roundabout age 8 or 9, and continued into adulthood. Until a few years ago I knew nothing about learned behaviour patterns but always wondered why when I was scared, nervous, or anxious I felt the same way I did as a young child. It was the feeling I got every evening as I walked home from school not knowing what awaited me behind closed doors. 

Growing up in a fairly strict Caribbean home my parents rarely spared the rod and they most definitely did not believe in spoiling the child. It was common for me to feel anxious so much so, as a young child I suffered from intense gastric problems. It wasn’t until I read Take Control of Your Life, How To Silence Fear and Win The Mental Game by Mel Robbins and Mindset by Dr Carol Dweck, that I learned and understood when faced with different circumstances our bodies create their own coping mechanism which go on to form learned behavior patterns. This is very common with trauma

THE WEEK THAT WAS

This week my mental and emotional well-being was put to the test when I found myself in a situation that potentially had the emotional power to rock my world inside out and upside down.

My stomach went into immediate lockdown, I lost my appetite and struggle to concentrate and focus, all part of my learned behaviour patterns but somehow I had to keep it all together without entertaining negative emotional thoughts. It was hard, but I was doping it.

I had one choice and that was to keep it moving. You see when something happens to me I have to be very careful how I manage my emotions and my thoughts. It’s a bit like a recovering alcoholic walking into a liquor store. If they want to get out of there unscaled they need to stay focused, head straight, and keep walking. This week some serious focusing was employed.

For the past 9 years, I’ve been working really hard on my mental well-being creating new thought patterns by learning how to habitually change the way I think and see things on a daily basis. so this week when I found myself out walking and talking to God as well as encouraging and empowering myself for 3 hours on a prayer walk, I knew I had not only conquered the toxic spiralling thoughts I once binged on to the point of overdosing, but the new ones were flowing nicely empowering and strengthening me along the way.

So that was my head sorted. It was clear and empty. There was no thought binging, but yet my stomach was still in knots.

It took me a while to figure out how I could be anxious when I wasn’t thinking about anything. Then a good friend pointed out, the anxiety stemmed from the innocent thought of having absolutely no idea what was going to happen, as opposed to being afraid of what I thought might happen.

In an ideal world I would rather not go through any form of emotional trauma, but let’s face it that ain’t going to happen. What can happen however is breaking mental thinking habits that put added strain on our bodies and replacing them with new ones, which is what this week’s Podcast, Episode 6 is all about.

Check it out and share, because if it helps you, it will help someone you know too. Spotify Apple Amazon Music and if you’re on Apple, don’t forget to leave a review, and let’s get a conversation going on this blog too. Do you suffer from mild anxiety? What are your symptoms? How did you overcome it or is it something you are working on?